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It was the shoes. That’s when I knew. It was those brown leather shoes. It was our third or maybe fourth date. You’d come over to my place on Halstead and we ordered a take out. And rented a movie that we never finished because we ended up… And you had to get up early for work. And by the time I got up you were gone. I remember standing in the closet half dressed reaching for my shoes when I saw that you’d drawn this heart in the dust on my shoe. You remember that? It was the sweetest thing.


—Netflix would be by far the best dating site. “Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Breaking Bad for 12 straight hours”


how many hospital visits do you think st. mungo’s gets from people using engorgio spells on their dick